1 00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:08,970 - I was at this art exhibit and I saw this sculpture, 2 00:00:09,034 --> 00:00:10,284 and I was like, who did this amazing sculpture? 3 00:00:10,344 --> 00:00:12,074 And she's like, me. That's how I met Casey. 4 00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:13,547 [laughter] 5 00:00:13,620 --> 00:00:15,070 - I like to think I seduced him with my erotic artwork. 6 00:00:15,137 --> 00:00:16,477 It's all very vaginal. 7 00:00:16,551 --> 00:00:18,971 - Oh, it's not all vaginal. There's some butt stuff. 8 00:00:19,034 --> 00:00:20,034 - What's vaginal? 9 00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:22,523 - Uh, I'm gonna run to the restroom. 10 00:00:22,586 --> 00:00:24,136 Feel free to talk about me while I'm gone. 11 00:00:24,206 --> 00:00:25,786 - We'd never do that. That's so rude. 12 00:00:25,862 --> 00:00:27,762 - Mm. [laughs] - All right. 13 00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,587 - You have one minute. Tell me everything. 14 00:00:29,655 --> 00:00:30,685 - Okay, I like her. 15 00:00:30,758 --> 00:00:31,588 She's nice and her hair smells good. 16 00:00:31,655 --> 00:00:32,895 - What? 17 00:00:32,965 --> 00:00:35,515 - Stop smelling women you don't know, Chris. 18 00:00:35,586 --> 00:00:37,336 - Well, I think she's hot. I mean, I'd date her. 19 00:00:37,413 --> 00:00:38,383 I mean, obviously because you're dating her, 20 00:00:38,448 --> 00:00:39,788 I'm not gonna date her. 21 00:00:39,862 --> 00:00:40,932 But if you weren't dating her, I'd be dating her. 22 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,760 But I'll just follow on Instagram. 23 00:00:42,827 --> 00:00:43,757 - You didn't have to tell me that. 24 00:00:43,827 --> 00:00:45,137 You could've just followed her. 25 00:00:45,206 --> 00:00:46,446 - I mean, she's a cool, successful artist 26 00:00:46,517 --> 00:00:47,687 without being an asshole about it. 27 00:00:47,758 --> 00:00:49,028 That may be a first. - Yep. 28 00:00:49,103 --> 00:00:51,383 - And she's super-grounded for an Aquarius. 29 00:00:51,448 --> 00:00:52,688 - Wait, when's her birthday? 30 00:00:52,758 --> 00:00:54,138 - Friday. 31 00:00:54,206 --> 00:00:55,786 She mentioned it when you were talking to the bartender 32 00:00:55,862 --> 00:00:57,102 about the brand of soap in the bathroom. 33 00:00:57,172 --> 00:00:58,102 - I have to get her an awesome gift. 34 00:00:58,172 --> 00:00:59,382 - That's a terrible idea. 35 00:00:59,448 --> 00:01:01,718 Remind everyone how long you've been dating her. 36 00:01:01,793 --> 00:01:02,723 - [mumbles] 37 00:01:02,793 --> 00:01:03,933 - What? 38 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,690 - Project. You're classically trained. 39 00:01:05,758 --> 00:01:07,518 - Three weeks, okay? So what? 40 00:01:07,586 --> 00:01:10,856 - So that's way too soon for birthday stuff. 41 00:01:10,931 --> 00:01:12,411 I've dated guys for three weeks 42 00:01:12,482 --> 00:01:14,172 who I didn't even know their last name. 43 00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:15,411 - Well, I'm sorry that romance is dead for you. 44 00:01:15,482 --> 00:01:16,452 - Untrue. 45 00:01:16,517 --> 00:01:17,787 - Don't ask me. 46 00:01:17,862 --> 00:01:20,032 Longest relationship I had lasted one month. 47 00:01:20,103 --> 00:01:21,383 - Chris, that's really sad. 48 00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:22,658 But we don't have time to talk about that right now. 49 00:01:22,724 --> 00:01:23,934 She's gonna pee and come back. 50 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,140 - I personally think it's never too soon 51 00:01:25,206 --> 00:01:26,236 for a little birthday stuff, all right? 52 00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:27,030 - And that's why you're my friend. 53 00:01:27,103 --> 00:01:28,553 - Stop it. 54 00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:30,970 - I had a woman who got me a car after our second date. 55 00:01:31,034 --> 00:01:33,484 Yeah, I mean, she was a little older, 56 00:01:33,551 --> 00:01:35,411 but she introduced me to her friends, 57 00:01:35,482 --> 00:01:36,862 and I got some gifts from them, too. 58 00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:38,661 So it really worked out. 59 00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:39,864 - Seaton, were you a prostitute? 60 00:01:39,931 --> 00:01:41,791 - Legally, no. - Okay. 61 00:01:41,862 --> 00:01:43,242 - So I think they have both 62 00:01:43,310 --> 00:01:46,620 sufficiently disqualified their opinions on relationships. 63 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:48,139 - Oh. - Okay, but listen. 64 00:01:48,206 --> 00:01:50,026 I know that it might seem like too soon, 65 00:01:50,103 --> 00:01:52,103 but I've connected with her so much already, 66 00:01:52,172 --> 00:01:53,662 I would feel like a dick if I didn't get her something. 67 00:01:53,724 --> 00:01:55,144 - Trust me, okay? 68 00:01:55,206 --> 00:01:57,376 It's too soon for birthday stuff. 69 00:01:57,448 --> 00:01:59,518 - Fine, I won't do anything for her birthday. 70 00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:00,656 God. 71 00:02:00,724 --> 00:02:02,664 - Sit up straight. 72 00:02:02,724 --> 00:02:04,454 - Hi. - Hi. 73 00:02:06,551 --> 00:02:07,901 - So what are we doing for your birthday? 74 00:02:07,965 --> 00:02:09,785 [chuckles] 75 00:02:09,862 --> 00:02:12,142 - Seaton was a hooker. 76 00:02:12,206 --> 00:02:15,136 [cool percussive music] 77 00:02:15,206 --> 00:02:22,206 ♪ ♪ 78 00:02:23,689 --> 00:02:26,659 [applause] 79 00:02:26,724 --> 00:02:28,834 - Thank you for helping me at the talent show, Dad, 80 00:02:28,896 --> 00:02:31,376 even though the finale didn't go quite as planned. 81 00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:32,928 [audience laughter] 82 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:34,380 - Don't worry, mi hija. 83 00:02:34,448 --> 00:02:36,378 You have worse memories than trying to salsa dance 84 00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,378 in a mermaid costume. 85 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,478 [audience laughter] 86 00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:41,281 Goodnight, mi hija. 87 00:02:43,034 --> 00:02:46,034 - Wait, Dad, can I ask you something? 88 00:02:46,103 --> 00:02:47,623 - Yes, of course, mi hija. 89 00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:48,719 - Do you speak Spanish? 90 00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,003 [audience laughter] 91 00:02:50,068 --> 00:02:50,998 - Sí. 92 00:02:51,068 --> 00:02:52,168 Of course, I do. 93 00:02:52,241 --> 00:02:53,551 Why do you ask? 94 00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:56,380 - It just seems forced whenever you say mi hija. 95 00:02:56,448 --> 00:02:59,518 [audience laughter] 96 00:02:59,586 --> 00:03:02,406 - Very funny. Bedtime now. 97 00:03:02,482 --> 00:03:03,412 I love you, mi hija. 98 00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:05,972 [audience awws] 99 00:03:06,034 --> 00:03:09,864 [soft rock music] 100 00:03:09,931 --> 00:03:12,171 [tense music] 101 00:03:12,241 --> 00:03:15,141 - Look, kid, you have to stop asking those questions, okay? 102 00:03:15,206 --> 00:03:17,786 We are one-note Latino characters on a sitcom. 103 00:03:17,862 --> 00:03:19,792 We only exist so that white people can feel less racist. 104 00:03:19,862 --> 00:03:21,722 - Is that why Mom is so much hotter than you? 105 00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,693 - Wow, rude, but yes, that's related. 106 00:03:23,758 --> 00:03:26,098 Look, you gotta play along, okay? 107 00:03:26,172 --> 00:03:28,072 It's the only way people like us can exist on TV. 108 00:03:28,137 --> 00:03:29,377 - But I don't want to just be a daughter 109 00:03:29,448 --> 00:03:30,998 on a vaguely Hispanic sitcom. 110 00:03:31,068 --> 00:03:33,828 - Trust me, it's way better than the only other alternative 111 00:03:33,896 --> 00:03:35,376 for Latino characters. Way better. 112 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,828 - I don't care. I want to experience the world. 113 00:03:37,896 --> 00:03:40,096 - Don't. Do not do it. No, no. 114 00:03:40,172 --> 00:03:41,592 Hey, get back here. Stop it. 115 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,685 [police siren] 116 00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:45,688 [gun cocking] 117 00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:46,968 - Hands up! 118 00:03:47,034 --> 00:03:48,694 We know you're hiding 50 kilos of cocaine. 119 00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:50,098 - What the fuck is going on? 120 00:03:50,172 --> 00:03:51,552 [guns cocking] 121 00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:53,000 [urban accent] Why am I talking like this? 122 00:03:53,068 --> 00:03:55,378 This shit is loco, ese. I'm outta here. 123 00:03:58,137 --> 00:03:59,717 [soft rock music] 124 00:03:59,793 --> 00:04:03,173 - Next time use the front door like the rest of us, mi hija. 125 00:04:03,241 --> 00:04:07,551 [audience laughter] 126 00:04:07,620 --> 00:04:09,340 And remember, I love you, mi hija. 127 00:04:09,413 --> 00:04:10,343 [audience awws] 128 00:04:10,413 --> 00:04:11,593 - I love you, too, Dad. 129 00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:12,925 - Goodnight. 130 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,310 - Night. 131 00:04:15,379 --> 00:04:17,619 - Close your eyes. They're watching. 132 00:04:17,689 --> 00:04:21,099 [cool percussive music] 133 00:04:21,172 --> 00:04:22,662 [dramatic music] 134 00:04:22,724 --> 00:04:24,764 - General, the guerrilla forces are closing in. 135 00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:27,167 - I fear we are out of time. What should we do? 136 00:04:31,275 --> 00:04:35,585 - Soldiers, I have given my life to the cause. 137 00:04:35,655 --> 00:04:37,275 I have stared death in the face more times 138 00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:38,864 than I care to remember. 139 00:04:38,931 --> 00:04:41,481 My entire life has been danger, 140 00:04:41,551 --> 00:04:44,141 but why have I survived this long? Hm? 141 00:04:44,206 --> 00:04:48,586 It's because I do not see fear or threats, or... 142 00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:54,590 Uh-oh. Plot twist. 143 00:04:54,655 --> 00:04:56,235 Who left these bad boys here? 144 00:04:56,310 --> 00:04:58,240 Seriously, you cannot leave these lying around. 145 00:04:58,310 --> 00:05:01,310 Somebody is going to get hurt. 146 00:05:01,379 --> 00:05:03,339 And that somebody is me. Excuse me. 147 00:05:03,413 --> 00:05:06,103 [laughs] You know. Mm. 148 00:05:06,172 --> 00:05:08,662 Mmm. Mmm. 149 00:05:08,724 --> 00:05:10,034 Are you kidding me right now? 150 00:05:10,103 --> 00:05:12,033 Pink frosting with rainbow sprinkles? 151 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:13,483 Just shoot me in the face already. 152 00:05:13,551 --> 00:05:15,341 These are too dangerous. Too dangerous. 153 00:05:15,413 --> 00:05:17,003 Oh, my God. - With all due respect, 154 00:05:17,068 --> 00:05:19,448 we are facing a critical situation, General. 155 00:05:19,517 --> 00:05:22,687 - Do you want to see critical, young man? 156 00:05:22,758 --> 00:05:23,928 Take a look at this waistline. 157 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,240 Am I right? Up top. 158 00:05:25,310 --> 00:05:27,210 - Sir, perhaps we should get back to the plan. 159 00:05:27,275 --> 00:05:29,475 - I did not know there were two generals. 160 00:05:29,551 --> 00:05:31,281 All I see is one general, 161 00:05:31,344 --> 00:05:32,724 unless I polish these bad boys off. 162 00:05:32,793 --> 00:05:33,863 Then there will be two of me. 163 00:05:33,931 --> 00:05:34,971 [chews loudly] 164 00:05:35,034 --> 00:05:36,974 I bloat immediately. Immediately. 165 00:05:37,034 --> 00:05:39,104 - Sir, our forces are awaiting orders. 166 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,342 - Okay, you're right. It's very simple. 167 00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:43,283 Our defenses cut all along this line. 168 00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:46,694 Now our blind spot-- okay is it just me, 169 00:05:46,758 --> 00:05:49,338 or does the map of Colombia look like a giant cupcake. 170 00:05:49,413 --> 00:05:51,313 I mean, who put the sprinkle there? 171 00:05:51,379 --> 00:05:53,139 These are obviously sprinkles. 172 00:05:53,206 --> 00:05:55,376 - General, please. Yesterday we lost 800 men. 173 00:05:55,448 --> 00:05:57,338 - And I literally just consumed 800 calories. 174 00:05:57,413 --> 00:05:58,663 In long term, which is worse? 175 00:05:58,724 --> 00:06:00,004 - The 800 men. 176 00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:02,338 - You tell that to my pants. I mean, seriously. 177 00:06:02,413 --> 00:06:04,623 [helicopter whirs] 178 00:06:04,689 --> 00:06:06,859 - They're here. Base camp's been overrun. 179 00:06:06,931 --> 00:06:08,661 The situation is out of control. 180 00:06:08,724 --> 00:06:10,004 - I know the feeling. 181 00:06:10,068 --> 00:06:11,968 Out of control, like-- like I shouldn't? 182 00:06:12,034 --> 00:06:13,214 I shouldn't, but I am. 183 00:06:13,275 --> 00:06:15,235 - General, we will fight for the last man. 184 00:06:15,310 --> 00:06:16,900 - Do not leave me alone with these cupcakes. 185 00:06:16,965 --> 00:06:19,755 Too dangerous. Ah, it's so dangerous. 186 00:06:19,827 --> 00:06:21,097 Mmm. 187 00:06:21,172 --> 00:06:22,552 - I would kill for a glass of milk right now. 188 00:06:22,620 --> 00:06:23,550 Like, literally murder someone. 189 00:06:23,620 --> 00:06:24,590 [gunfire] 190 00:06:24,655 --> 00:06:26,065 - Nobody move. - [shouts] 191 00:06:26,137 --> 00:06:28,617 - General Bautista, we have you surrounded. 192 00:06:28,689 --> 00:06:31,449 Raise your hands, or we will kill all your men. 193 00:06:33,137 --> 00:06:34,137 And the other hand? 194 00:06:35,413 --> 00:06:37,343 The other one. 195 00:06:37,413 --> 00:06:38,523 Both at the same time! 196 00:06:38,586 --> 00:06:40,026 La dos. 197 00:06:42,310 --> 00:06:45,860 - [groaning] 198 00:06:45,931 --> 00:06:48,621 - The poison cupcakes worked. 199 00:06:48,689 --> 00:06:50,999 - General was right. 200 00:06:51,068 --> 00:06:53,278 - Most dangerous cupcakes. 201 00:06:53,344 --> 00:06:56,144 [cool percussive music] 202 00:06:58,655 --> 00:07:01,475 [cool percussive music] 203 00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,721 ♪ ♪ 204 00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:05,283 [pop music] 205 00:07:05,344 --> 00:07:06,794 - Oh, wow. 206 00:07:06,862 --> 00:07:08,342 Ooh. 207 00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:11,927 - Hi, can I help you find anything? 208 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,590 - Actually, yes, I'm looking for a gift 209 00:07:13,655 --> 00:07:14,825 for my romantic lady-friend. 210 00:07:14,896 --> 00:07:17,066 - Mm, wonderful. What's the occasion? 211 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,207 - Her birthday. 212 00:07:18,275 --> 00:07:19,755 - Okay. - Yeah, yeah. 213 00:07:19,827 --> 00:07:21,337 She's having dinner with some friends, you know, 214 00:07:21,413 --> 00:07:22,523 and she invited me. So... 215 00:07:22,586 --> 00:07:24,206 - Fun. - Yeah. 216 00:07:24,275 --> 00:07:25,965 Well, technically, I asked her what she was doing 217 00:07:26,034 --> 00:07:27,174 for her birthday and she's like, 218 00:07:27,241 --> 00:07:28,451 I'm having dinner with friends. 219 00:07:28,517 --> 00:07:30,137 And I was like, can I come? [laughs] 220 00:07:30,206 --> 00:07:31,616 But she said yes almost immediately. 221 00:07:31,689 --> 00:07:33,759 So, yeah. 222 00:07:33,827 --> 00:07:35,587 - How long have you been dating? 223 00:07:35,655 --> 00:07:36,785 - Three weeks. 224 00:07:36,862 --> 00:07:39,792 - Okay, yeah, so this is a mistake. 225 00:07:39,862 --> 00:07:41,692 - I know how it sounds, but I just feel like 226 00:07:41,758 --> 00:07:43,308 it's been just so much longer than that, you know? 227 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:44,409 - Hmm. 228 00:07:44,482 --> 00:07:45,342 - What about this hat? Hello. 229 00:07:45,413 --> 00:07:46,623 - Oh, it's-- 230 00:07:46,689 --> 00:07:48,659 - Calling to me, so to speak. You know? 231 00:07:48,724 --> 00:07:50,004 - Absolutely. Um-- - Wow. 232 00:07:50,068 --> 00:07:51,828 - Can I give you some advice? 233 00:07:51,896 --> 00:07:52,826 - Sure. 234 00:07:52,896 --> 00:07:54,166 - And this isn't easy for me 235 00:07:54,241 --> 00:07:55,931 because I'd make a huge commission off this hat. 236 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:57,380 I mean, massive. 237 00:07:57,448 --> 00:07:59,068 But look, if you've only bee dating her three weeks, 238 00:07:59,137 --> 00:08:00,657 you really shouldn't be getting her a gift. 239 00:08:00,724 --> 00:08:02,414 - But you don't know her like I know her, so... 240 00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:06,762 - Mm-kay. Well, if that's true, what's her favorite color? 241 00:08:08,482 --> 00:08:10,412 Favorite TV show. 242 00:08:10,482 --> 00:08:12,172 - [mutters] 243 00:08:12,241 --> 00:08:13,661 - What are her parents like, you know? 244 00:08:13,724 --> 00:08:15,174 What are her dreams, her hopes? 245 00:08:15,241 --> 00:08:16,861 Does she like dessert? 246 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,861 - I know she makes papier-mâché vaginas 247 00:08:18,931 --> 00:08:20,281 and her birthday's on Friday. 248 00:08:20,344 --> 00:08:21,594 - Okay. 249 00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:23,825 You know, it isn't really my place to say this, 250 00:08:23,896 --> 00:08:27,716 but a bad gift is so much worse than no gift. 251 00:08:27,793 --> 00:08:30,143 - Oh, wow. Thank you. 252 00:08:30,206 --> 00:08:31,406 I'm gonna take the hat. 253 00:08:31,482 --> 00:08:33,412 [cash register chimes] 254 00:08:33,482 --> 00:08:34,412 - You're gonna regret this. 255 00:08:34,482 --> 00:08:35,412 - Oh, I'm not. 256 00:08:35,482 --> 00:08:36,862 - Here's the receipt you need 257 00:08:36,931 --> 00:08:38,521 when you need to return the hat. 258 00:08:38,586 --> 00:08:41,376 - Oh, cool. I won't be needing this. 259 00:08:41,448 --> 00:08:42,408 - Okay. 260 00:08:42,482 --> 00:08:44,482 - But thank you. 261 00:08:44,551 --> 00:08:45,761 - Can you pick that up? 262 00:08:45,827 --> 00:08:46,967 - Yeah, sorry. That was just super rude. 263 00:08:47,034 --> 00:08:50,384 [cool percussive music] 264 00:08:50,448 --> 00:08:52,968 [crowd cheering] 265 00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:58,244 - Whew. 266 00:08:58,310 --> 00:09:00,520 - Whoa, coming in hot. 267 00:09:00,586 --> 00:09:02,686 Ahh. 268 00:09:02,758 --> 00:09:04,028 You know, if you shake it more than once, 269 00:09:04,103 --> 00:09:05,143 you're playing with yourself. 270 00:09:05,206 --> 00:09:06,826 [laughs] 271 00:09:06,896 --> 00:09:08,026 - Yeah. 272 00:09:08,103 --> 00:09:09,663 - Ooh. Whoa, sorry about that. 273 00:09:09,724 --> 00:09:11,004 - Watch out, dude. 274 00:09:11,068 --> 00:09:13,758 - That was almost a helmet-to-helmet hit. 275 00:09:13,827 --> 00:09:15,897 - Hey, you know what they say. 276 00:09:15,965 --> 00:09:17,615 You shake it more than once, you're playing with it. 277 00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:20,139 - [laughs] 278 00:09:20,206 --> 00:09:21,136 Who is that over there? 279 00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:22,446 - Who, what? 280 00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:23,787 No. Sammy. 281 00:09:23,862 --> 00:09:25,522 - Carl, I knew it was you, buddy. 282 00:09:25,586 --> 00:09:27,026 Good to see you. - What up? 283 00:09:27,103 --> 00:09:28,693 - Guys, guys, guys, guys! Guys! 284 00:09:28,758 --> 00:09:30,208 Please be careful, man. 285 00:09:30,275 --> 00:09:31,685 You almost pissed all over me, dude. 286 00:09:31,758 --> 00:09:33,168 - Pfft. 287 00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:35,381 - Pissed all over you. Did you hear that, Carl? 288 00:09:35,448 --> 00:09:36,588 - I don't think we've done a proper introduction here. 289 00:09:36,655 --> 00:09:37,825 - We are legends. 290 00:09:37,896 --> 00:09:39,276 There's no chance of that happening. 291 00:09:39,344 --> 00:09:42,314 - Back in '97, Carl here and I won the Micturition Nationals. 292 00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:44,549 - What's a Micturition National? 293 00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,100 - What's the Micturition Nationals? 294 00:09:46,172 --> 00:09:47,102 You hear that, Carl? 295 00:09:47,172 --> 00:09:48,662 - Wow. Wow. - [whistles] 296 00:09:48,724 --> 00:09:53,834 We invite you to watch and learn. 297 00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:56,414 [both inhale] 298 00:09:56,482 --> 00:09:57,592 - It's really good to see you. 299 00:09:57,655 --> 00:09:58,755 - I love you. 300 00:09:58,827 --> 00:10:00,787 [both exhale] 301 00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:03,792 [classical music] 302 00:10:03,862 --> 00:10:10,902 ♪ ♪ 303 00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,790 [crowd cheering] 304 00:10:55,862 --> 00:10:57,482 - Wow. 305 00:10:57,551 --> 00:10:59,281 That was incredible. 306 00:10:59,344 --> 00:11:00,384 Wow. 307 00:11:00,448 --> 00:11:01,548 - Thank you so much. 308 00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,140 And that was really great improv, kid. 309 00:11:03,206 --> 00:11:04,586 - Oh, my God. Thank you so--do you mean that? 310 00:11:04,655 --> 00:11:05,965 - You're a natural. 311 00:11:06,034 --> 00:11:07,144 - Well, I mean, you shake it more than once, 312 00:11:07,206 --> 00:11:08,516 you're playing with it. 313 00:11:08,586 --> 00:11:10,166 But you shake it more than twice, 314 00:11:10,241 --> 00:11:11,481 now that's art, my buddy. 315 00:11:11,551 --> 00:11:14,141 [all laughing] 316 00:11:14,206 --> 00:11:15,896 - Oh, shit. - Oh, sorry. 317 00:11:15,965 --> 00:11:17,475 - Yep. Sorry. - Sorry about that. 318 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:21,031 [cool percussive music] 319 00:11:21,103 --> 00:11:24,283 - With liberty and justice for all. 320 00:11:24,344 --> 00:11:25,554 And that's how you say 321 00:11:25,620 --> 00:11:27,790 the Pledge of Allegiance in America. 322 00:11:27,862 --> 00:11:28,792 Thank you. 323 00:11:28,862 --> 00:11:29,792 [applause] 324 00:11:29,862 --> 00:11:32,932 - Good job, Imelda. 325 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,380 Okay, let's move on to the next subject 326 00:11:34,448 --> 00:11:37,168 you should know about as recent immigrants. 327 00:11:37,241 --> 00:11:39,241 We're talking gun violence. 328 00:11:39,310 --> 00:11:41,030 - Oh, I know all about that. 329 00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:43,073 There's a lot of gun violence in my country, 330 00:11:43,137 --> 00:11:44,897 but I am very happy to be safe in America 331 00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:47,515 where there are no cartels. Thank goodness, you know? 332 00:11:47,586 --> 00:11:48,966 - Okay, though that may be true, Diego, 333 00:11:49,034 --> 00:11:51,074 we do have gun violence in this country. 334 00:11:51,137 --> 00:11:53,097 For example, mass shootings in schools. 335 00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,282 - Oh, unfortunately, we have that stuff, too. 336 00:11:55,344 --> 00:11:57,144 Two students are in rival cartels, 337 00:11:57,206 --> 00:11:58,546 and they shoot each other at the school. 338 00:11:58,620 --> 00:11:59,590 It's very tragic. 339 00:11:59,655 --> 00:12:01,095 - Okay, no, in this country 340 00:12:01,172 --> 00:12:02,762 it's more like a single student shoots other students. 341 00:12:02,827 --> 00:12:04,027 - Because he's in a cartel, 342 00:12:04,103 --> 00:12:05,663 so he's taking out the family of his rival. 343 00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:06,764 I understand. 344 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,447 - Nope. It's not a cartel thing. 345 00:12:08,517 --> 00:12:10,927 - Mm. Okay, excuse me. Sorry. 346 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,280 - Yes, Diego. 347 00:12:12,344 --> 00:12:14,454 - He is the drug lord of the school, right? 348 00:12:14,517 --> 00:12:17,857 And he's trying to tell everybody that he is the man. 349 00:12:17,931 --> 00:12:20,171 - No, it's more like he's just a lonely kid. 350 00:12:20,241 --> 00:12:21,691 - I'm sorry, lonely? 351 00:12:21,758 --> 00:12:23,408 - Yes, or like, like really shy. 352 00:12:24,517 --> 00:12:25,687 - Excuse me? 353 00:12:25,758 --> 00:12:28,168 - Oh, I'm sorry. My English is not very good. 354 00:12:28,241 --> 00:12:30,831 The student must want something, right? 355 00:12:30,896 --> 00:12:32,376 Money or power, revenge. 356 00:12:32,448 --> 00:12:35,478 - No, he's, like, looking for something like a date. 357 00:12:35,551 --> 00:12:38,101 - But does he get the date or...? 358 00:12:38,172 --> 00:12:40,382 - No, he usually kills them. 359 00:12:40,448 --> 00:12:42,618 Okay? It's messed up. 360 00:12:44,137 --> 00:12:45,067 Yes? 361 00:12:45,137 --> 00:12:47,207 - If he is not in a cartel, 362 00:12:47,275 --> 00:12:48,755 then where is he getting his guns? 363 00:12:48,827 --> 00:12:51,547 - You can get guns anywhere. It's America. 364 00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:53,280 I can get you a gun. 365 00:12:53,344 --> 00:12:55,004 - Let's move on. 366 00:12:55,068 --> 00:12:56,658 Let's move on. I'm sorry, everybody. 367 00:12:56,724 --> 00:12:59,104 - I mean, mass shootings happen anywhere that there's a crowd. 368 00:12:59,172 --> 00:13:02,212 A movie theater, a nightclub, a church. 369 00:13:02,275 --> 00:13:05,545 You may remember one recently that happened in Las Vegas 370 00:13:05,620 --> 00:13:06,720 at the concert. 371 00:13:06,793 --> 00:13:08,693 - Okay, concerts make sense. 372 00:13:08,758 --> 00:13:10,688 Because the singer was singing narcocorridos 373 00:13:10,758 --> 00:13:12,098 about a rival cartel member, 374 00:13:12,172 --> 00:13:14,032 so they shot him to send a message. 375 00:13:14,103 --> 00:13:15,243 - No, actually, the singer wasn't hurt. 376 00:13:15,310 --> 00:13:17,790 - He was aiming at the singer, 377 00:13:17,862 --> 00:13:20,382 missed, and shot some innocent bystanders? 378 00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:22,968 - No, he was aiming at the innocent bystanders. 379 00:13:23,034 --> 00:13:24,834 - Because they were in a rival cartel. 380 00:13:24,896 --> 00:13:27,406 - No one was in a cartel. 381 00:13:27,482 --> 00:13:30,172 - The shooter had a blood feud with his victims. 382 00:13:30,241 --> 00:13:32,381 - The shooter did not know his victims. 383 00:13:32,448 --> 00:13:33,758 - He took their money after he killed them. 384 00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:35,587 - Shot himself. Killed himself. 385 00:13:35,655 --> 00:13:36,545 He didn't get anything out of it. 386 00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:38,380 - Okay. 387 00:13:38,448 --> 00:13:40,238 I'm not gonna get this, so... 388 00:13:40,310 --> 00:13:41,830 sorry to interrupt. 389 00:13:41,896 --> 00:13:43,996 - It's all right. You'll get it eventually. 390 00:13:44,068 --> 00:13:45,208 Where are you going? 391 00:13:45,275 --> 00:13:47,825 - Oh, I'm just going back to Central America. 392 00:13:47,896 --> 00:13:49,376 It is super dangerous, 393 00:13:49,448 --> 00:13:50,788 but they have rules I can understand. 394 00:13:50,862 --> 00:13:53,142 - Can't argue with that. [laughs] 395 00:13:53,206 --> 00:13:55,166 - I'm so sorry. Good luck. 396 00:13:55,241 --> 00:13:58,101 - Okay, let's talk about opioids. 397 00:13:58,172 --> 00:14:00,692 [cool percussive music] 398 00:14:03,172 --> 00:14:06,762 [cool percussive music] 399 00:14:06,827 --> 00:14:09,587 - Thank you all for being here. 400 00:14:09,655 --> 00:14:12,065 You've been my dearest friends for as long as I can remember, 401 00:14:12,137 --> 00:14:14,897 and I love each one of you. 402 00:14:17,275 --> 00:14:20,655 And Arturo, uh... 403 00:14:20,724 --> 00:14:22,834 you're also here. 404 00:14:22,896 --> 00:14:23,856 - I'm glad I'm here, too. 405 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:25,001 - Cheers. - Cheers. 406 00:14:25,068 --> 00:14:26,588 - To Casey. 407 00:14:30,310 --> 00:14:32,240 - So how long have you two been dating? 408 00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:33,310 - Three weeks. 409 00:14:33,379 --> 00:14:35,519 - Oh. Wow. 410 00:14:35,586 --> 00:14:37,476 - I know. It's very exciting. 411 00:14:37,551 --> 00:14:40,031 Hey, do you know when we're doing gifts? 412 00:14:40,103 --> 00:14:41,213 - We're not. 413 00:14:41,275 --> 00:14:43,895 Casey thinks gifts are consumer bullshit. 414 00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:45,065 - Got it. 415 00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:46,717 No gifts. So unnecessary. 416 00:14:46,793 --> 00:14:47,723 [loud clang] 417 00:14:47,793 --> 00:14:48,723 - Ow! 418 00:14:48,793 --> 00:14:50,003 What is that? 419 00:14:51,448 --> 00:14:52,448 Hey, did somebody bring a gift? 420 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,787 - Oh. 421 00:14:53,862 --> 00:14:55,142 - Who would do that? 422 00:14:55,206 --> 00:14:57,826 You know, Casey doesn't like gifts, people. 423 00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:01,376 I personally think they are consumer bullshit, 424 00:15:01,448 --> 00:15:02,858 and I'm not afraid to say it. 425 00:15:02,931 --> 00:15:04,281 It says-- - Don't read that. 426 00:15:04,344 --> 00:15:08,214 - To Casey, with budding love and relatively new 427 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:11,785 but definitely real affection. 428 00:15:11,862 --> 00:15:13,242 From Arturo. 429 00:15:13,310 --> 00:15:16,240 - Arturo, did you... do you get me a gift? 430 00:15:16,310 --> 00:15:18,660 - Yeah, I didn't know we weren't doing gifts. 431 00:15:18,724 --> 00:15:19,664 I'm sorry-- 432 00:15:19,724 --> 00:15:20,664 - Oh. 433 00:15:20,724 --> 00:15:22,454 It's okay. 434 00:15:22,517 --> 00:15:24,237 Here, I'll open it. 435 00:15:24,310 --> 00:15:25,240 - No, you don't have to. 436 00:15:25,310 --> 00:15:27,550 Let's enjoy... 437 00:15:27,620 --> 00:15:28,690 hors d'oeuvres? 438 00:15:28,758 --> 00:15:30,998 - Wow--um... 439 00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:33,308 it's so--it's so big. 440 00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:34,449 [laughs] 441 00:15:35,482 --> 00:15:36,762 What does this button do? 442 00:15:36,827 --> 00:15:37,757 - Please don't press-- 443 00:15:37,827 --> 00:15:39,857 [all gasping] 444 00:15:39,931 --> 00:15:42,281 - Um...wow. 445 00:15:42,344 --> 00:15:44,384 This is... 446 00:15:44,448 --> 00:15:45,688 a lot. 447 00:15:45,758 --> 00:15:48,718 But--but very sweet. 448 00:15:48,793 --> 00:15:51,033 But--but mostly a lot. 449 00:15:51,103 --> 00:15:54,173 - Yeah, you know, you can just open it later, or never. 450 00:15:54,241 --> 00:15:55,931 That would be fun. 451 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,070 - Oh, my God. 452 00:15:58,137 --> 00:15:59,477 - It's not that big a deal. 453 00:15:59,551 --> 00:16:00,791 - [laughs] 454 00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:04,142 That's hilarious. Is that--is that a hat? 455 00:16:04,206 --> 00:16:05,136 [laughs] 456 00:16:05,206 --> 00:16:06,136 - I'm sorry. 457 00:16:06,206 --> 00:16:07,716 I'm sorry, what? 458 00:16:07,793 --> 00:16:09,793 - Oh, my God. For a second, I thought it was a real gift. 459 00:16:09,862 --> 00:16:11,412 This is so ugly. 460 00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:13,552 [laughter] 461 00:16:13,620 --> 00:16:14,970 - Yeah. 462 00:16:15,034 --> 00:16:16,074 Ew. 463 00:16:16,137 --> 00:16:18,067 - Oh, my God. That's hideous. 464 00:16:18,137 --> 00:16:19,997 I love it. Let me take a selfie with it. 465 00:16:20,068 --> 00:16:22,588 - [laughs] 466 00:16:22,655 --> 00:16:25,375 - Oh, my God. And she hates hats. 467 00:16:25,448 --> 00:16:28,658 You know her so well. What a--what a great guy. 468 00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:31,454 - Did nobody else bring a prank gift? 469 00:16:31,517 --> 00:16:33,067 - Yeah. 470 00:16:33,137 --> 00:16:34,857 [camera clicks] 471 00:16:34,931 --> 00:16:38,451 [cool percussive music] 472 00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:40,447 [clock ticking] 473 00:16:40,517 --> 00:16:43,067 - Narcocorrido, or drug ballad, 474 00:16:43,137 --> 00:16:46,027 is a style of folk music born in the north of Mexico. 475 00:16:46,103 --> 00:16:48,383 The music's themes deal with the dangerous and violent 476 00:16:48,448 --> 00:16:51,098 lives of the most famous drug smugglers. 477 00:16:51,172 --> 00:16:52,832 Tonight we talk to Juan Trevino, 478 00:16:52,896 --> 00:16:55,616 and his narcocorrido band, Las Arañas, 479 00:16:55,689 --> 00:16:57,549 to find out what inspires them. 480 00:16:57,620 --> 00:16:59,100 - Ay ay ay ay ay! 481 00:16:59,172 --> 00:17:02,972 - Now as we know, traditional narcocorrido music is all about 482 00:17:03,034 --> 00:17:06,074 drug lords and gangsters and vicious killers. 483 00:17:06,137 --> 00:17:08,617 - Yes, and we do enjoy singing about these men. 484 00:17:08,689 --> 00:17:09,659 We do. 485 00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:10,904 But it has its downsides. 486 00:17:10,965 --> 00:17:12,685 If Jorge loses one more finger, 487 00:17:12,758 --> 00:17:14,928 he will not be able to play E minor. 488 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:16,310 But now we sing about different 489 00:17:16,379 --> 00:17:18,519 but equally dangerous criminals. 490 00:17:18,586 --> 00:17:20,966 [trumpet blares] 491 00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:22,454 Paco, Paco. Too loud, man. 492 00:17:22,517 --> 00:17:23,927 Too loud. 493 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,070 - Why don't we take a look at one of your latest songs? 494 00:17:26,137 --> 00:17:29,757 [singing in Spanish] 495 00:17:39,551 --> 00:17:40,831 Ay ay ay ay ay! 496 00:17:40,896 --> 00:17:43,096 - Hey, stop following me, assholes. 497 00:17:48,137 --> 00:17:51,307 Did--did you follow around an actual jaywalker 498 00:17:51,379 --> 00:17:52,409 for that video? 499 00:17:52,482 --> 00:17:54,072 - Yes. Yes, we did follow him, 500 00:17:54,137 --> 00:17:56,827 because we are not afraid of anything. 501 00:17:56,896 --> 00:17:57,966 No fear. 502 00:17:58,034 --> 00:17:59,454 [trumpet blares] 503 00:17:59,517 --> 00:18:01,377 Paco, Paco, Paco! 504 00:18:01,448 --> 00:18:03,138 What did I just say, man? 505 00:18:03,206 --> 00:18:05,546 The big noises, okay. They're a lot, brother. 506 00:18:05,620 --> 00:18:08,140 - Okay, let's take a look at another one of your songs. 507 00:18:23,137 --> 00:18:26,027 - If you losers tell on me, I'll kick your ass. 508 00:18:28,551 --> 00:18:30,411 - You guys scare very easily. 509 00:18:30,482 --> 00:18:31,452 - No way, ma'am. 510 00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:32,687 If we got scared so easily, 511 00:18:32,758 --> 00:18:35,168 why would we name our band Las Arañas? 512 00:18:35,241 --> 00:18:36,481 - The Spiders? 513 00:18:36,551 --> 00:18:38,171 - Where, where, where? I hate them. Where? 514 00:18:38,241 --> 00:18:39,171 [trumpet blares] 515 00:18:39,241 --> 00:18:40,691 Paco, enough! 516 00:18:41,448 --> 00:18:42,898 You are done. You are done. 517 00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:46,025 - Nothing you guys sing about is even remotely dangerous. 518 00:18:46,103 --> 00:18:47,453 - Then you obviously haven't heard our song 519 00:18:47,517 --> 00:18:49,857 about the most ruthless killer. 520 00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:51,241 "El Asesino." 521 00:18:51,310 --> 00:18:52,240 - The Assassin. 522 00:18:52,310 --> 00:18:53,900 Okay, now we're talking. 523 00:18:53,965 --> 00:18:55,995 - If you can handle it. Let's play it. 524 00:19:23,241 --> 00:19:24,451 - Okay, I don't want to be rude, 525 00:19:24,517 --> 00:19:26,097 but you guys are pathetic, 526 00:19:26,172 --> 00:19:28,382 and this was a total waste of my time. 527 00:19:28,448 --> 00:19:30,758 - That was, like, extremely rude. 528 00:19:30,827 --> 00:19:33,617 Uncalled for. 529 00:19:33,689 --> 00:19:34,619 [gasps] 530 00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:35,659 Orale. 531 00:19:35,724 --> 00:19:38,764 [mariachi music] 532 00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:42,405 Spider! Spider! 533 00:19:46,103 --> 00:19:48,003 [clock ticking] 534 00:19:48,068 --> 00:19:50,068 [cool percussive music] 535 00:19:52,896 --> 00:19:55,996 [cool percussive music] 536 00:20:04,551 --> 00:20:05,521 [pop music] 537 00:20:05,586 --> 00:20:06,896 - Hello. - Hi. 538 00:20:06,965 --> 00:20:08,965 - Can I please return this as quickly as possible? 539 00:20:09,034 --> 00:20:11,004 - Oh, of course. 540 00:20:11,068 --> 00:20:13,928 Kate, can you come up front and handle this return? 541 00:20:16,965 --> 00:20:17,895 - [laughs] 542 00:20:17,965 --> 00:20:20,755 Well, hello, valued customer. 543 00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:22,827 Let me guess. She didn't like it. 544 00:20:22,896 --> 00:20:24,786 - Actually, she loved it. 545 00:20:24,862 --> 00:20:26,212 It's just... 546 00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:28,165 too small for her head. - Oh. 547 00:20:28,241 --> 00:20:29,281 - Yeah, she has a very big head, 548 00:20:29,344 --> 00:20:30,554 and it's very embarrassing to her, 549 00:20:30,620 --> 00:20:32,210 so please, let's stop talking about it. 550 00:20:32,275 --> 00:20:33,335 - So you'll just need to exchange it 551 00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:35,033 for a larger size, then? 552 00:20:35,103 --> 00:20:36,483 - It gave her a horrible rash. 553 00:20:36,551 --> 00:20:38,341 You know, and she's really in deep pain right now, 554 00:20:38,413 --> 00:20:39,903 and just--don't want to sue. 555 00:20:39,965 --> 00:20:41,545 I just want my money back. Okay? 556 00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:42,970 - She doesn't have a rash. 557 00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,034 - She died. 558 00:20:44,103 --> 00:20:46,103 - Oh. - Horribly. 559 00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:47,662 It's really painful to talk about. 560 00:20:47,724 --> 00:20:50,314 - Look, I'll make you a deal, okay? 561 00:20:50,379 --> 00:20:52,379 You don't have a receipt, so you can't return the hat. 562 00:20:52,448 --> 00:20:54,588 But I'll make an exception, 563 00:20:54,655 --> 00:20:57,715 if you admit you should've taken my advice. 564 00:21:05,241 --> 00:21:06,861 - What's up, bro? 565 00:21:06,931 --> 00:21:09,281 [cool percussive music] 566 00:21:09,965 --> 00:21:12,895 [cool percussive music] 567 00:21:12,965 --> 00:21:19,995 ♪ ♪ 568 00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:24,595 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0